I don't like dresses. I don't like short shorts. I don't like heavy makeup or long hair or tight pants.
Recently people have been asking me why I tend to dress more masculinely. Why do I wear baggier clothing and button downs and little to no makeup? Why do I keep my hair short and shave parts of it and sometimes slick it back with pomade? The answer is it makes me comfortable. I feel like myself. But people still don't seem to understand why I'm not dressing, "like a girl" (a phrase I have a lot of issues with, but we'll save that for another time. Maybe). I think a lot of this confusion comes from the fact that I did used to dress in a more feminine way, wearing skirts and dresses and lots of jewelry and always having some sort of makeup on my face. So, what changed?
Over the years, as I got older and the straight parts of my body began to curve and grow soft, as I developed what people would call a more "womanly" frame, I began to realize people looked at me differently. Men looked at me differently. Not all men, but enough that I noticed. Shorts meant something more than relief from the summer heat. A low neckline was a display. My legs became "nice" and drew comments from people, rather than simply carrying me from point A to point B. And I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable.
There is a vulnerability in femininity. For me, dressing in a way that highlights my curves and draws attention to my flesh makes me feel weak and unsafe. I feel intimidated by the eyes that follow me to places where they are not welcome.
Now, I know you're not supposed to care what people think, and for the most part I don't. But I do care about feeling safe. I care about what I'm communicating to the world and, as our society has become so obsessed with body image and sex and making heads turn, I've chosen to dress in a way that does not cater to this. I care about feeling comfortable in my own skin and, when I wear baggier pants and sweaters, I am. And yes, maybe I am trying to suppress my femininity a little bit, but I don't see what is wrong with that.
So, for those of you who are confused or put off by the men's button downs and the long shorts that I occasionally choose to wear, don't worry so much about me. Just know that I feel comfortable and safe and much more myself than I ever felt when I dressed "like a girl."
Recently people have been asking me why I tend to dress more masculinely. Why do I wear baggier clothing and button downs and little to no makeup? Why do I keep my hair short and shave parts of it and sometimes slick it back with pomade? The answer is it makes me comfortable. I feel like myself. But people still don't seem to understand why I'm not dressing, "like a girl" (a phrase I have a lot of issues with, but we'll save that for another time. Maybe). I think a lot of this confusion comes from the fact that I did used to dress in a more feminine way, wearing skirts and dresses and lots of jewelry and always having some sort of makeup on my face. So, what changed?
Over the years, as I got older and the straight parts of my body began to curve and grow soft, as I developed what people would call a more "womanly" frame, I began to realize people looked at me differently. Men looked at me differently. Not all men, but enough that I noticed. Shorts meant something more than relief from the summer heat. A low neckline was a display. My legs became "nice" and drew comments from people, rather than simply carrying me from point A to point B. And I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable.
There is a vulnerability in femininity. For me, dressing in a way that highlights my curves and draws attention to my flesh makes me feel weak and unsafe. I feel intimidated by the eyes that follow me to places where they are not welcome.
Now, I know you're not supposed to care what people think, and for the most part I don't. But I do care about feeling safe. I care about what I'm communicating to the world and, as our society has become so obsessed with body image and sex and making heads turn, I've chosen to dress in a way that does not cater to this. I care about feeling comfortable in my own skin and, when I wear baggier pants and sweaters, I am. And yes, maybe I am trying to suppress my femininity a little bit, but I don't see what is wrong with that.
So, for those of you who are confused or put off by the men's button downs and the long shorts that I occasionally choose to wear, don't worry so much about me. Just know that I feel comfortable and safe and much more myself than I ever felt when I dressed "like a girl."